{"id":118254,"date":"2023-09-03T21:52:57","date_gmt":"2023-09-03T21:52:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cottontailsonline.com\/?p=118254"},"modified":"2023-09-03T21:52:57","modified_gmt":"2023-09-03T21:52:57","slug":"ask-amy-pressing-pause-on-a-negative-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cottontailsonline.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-pressing-pause-on-a-negative-friend\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Pressing “pause” on a negative friend"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy:<\/strong> What is the right way to put a friendship on pause?<\/p>\n

I have known \u201cLara\u201d for many years. We don\u2019t have a lot in common and it can be trying to spend time with her — she monopolizes conversations, tells inappropriate stories and can be extremely negative.<\/p>\n

However, she was very persistent about befriending me, so I saw her casually and also spent many hours supporting her after a job loss a decade ago.<\/p>\n

While she has now stabilized, she never returned to her prior career and remains very angry.<\/p>\n

After COVID struck, I decided to focus on my closest relationships and began seeing Lara far less often.<\/p>\n

Earlier this year I lost my own job. It hasn\u2019t been all bad — I\u2019ve been able to help my ailing parents and found some part-time work \u2014 but some days it takes everything I have to stay positive.<\/p>\n

Lara is the absolute last person I want to see right now: I just can\u2019t listen to her complaints about not seeing me or about the terrible job market.<\/p>\n

But she\u2019s been reaching out to me for months, despite my attempts to brush her off politely, and now is getting her husband to text me.<\/p>\n

Can I just ghost her? (I haven\u2019t spent any time with her for about a year.)<\/p>\n

Do I owe her some kind of explanation, and if so, what should it be?<\/p>\n

I will admit that I resent having to do this emotional labor during a difficult time for someone I never felt close to.<\/p>\n

But I also dread every text, email and call I receive from her, so any advice would be very welcome.<\/p>\n

— No More Negativity in NY<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear No More Negativity:<\/strong> Placing this friendship on \u201cpause\u201d is precisely what you should do.<\/p>\n

It sounds as if \u201cLara\u201d is immune to generic \u201cghosting\u201d (where you basically neglect to respond to any contact from her). Having her husband text you on her behalf is a sign that she needs some sort of statement from you.<\/p>\n

Consider a \u201cpre-blocking\u201d measure. Email her to say, \u201cYou\u2019ve continued to reach out to me, but I want you to know that I haven\u2019t responded because my plate is full right now. I\u2019ll reach out again when I\u2019m ready, but until then I need to take a \u2018pause.\u2019 Take good care of yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

She may see this as your attempt to start a dialogue. Don\u2019t bite that hook.<\/p>\n

If she refuses to respect your wishes and continues to contact you, then it might be time to block her and consider the friendship to have ended.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> We have close friends whose daughter is getting married in Italy.<\/p>\n

We will be traveling to the wedding, but my husband and I thought about it for a while before responding because, first of all, it\u2019s not the easiest part of Italy to get to.<\/p>\n

We have to make a stopover, change flights, book the hotel, and rent a car to drive down to the wedding because there is no transportation from the airport.<\/p>\n

I believe this girl is being a bit selfish, just to be able to say that she got married in Italy. Many from her mother\u2019s side of the family can\u2019t make the trip.<\/p>\n

Why have a wedding if your family can\u2019t be there?<\/p>\n

I read that if the couple decides to have a destination wedding, your gift is your presence because of the added expense imposed on you.<\/p>\n

Do you agree?<\/p>\n

— Disgruntled Guest<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Disgruntled:<\/strong> Why have a wedding in Italy if your family can\u2019t be there?<\/p>\n

Not having family there is precisely why some couples choose to have destination weddings.<\/p>\n

Marrying couples are using the expense and distance as a way to make sure that they won\u2019t have to deal with Aunt Gladys and her pickleball obsession, Cousin Steve who is just out of rehab, or Grandma Jane and her pesky need to use a walker.<\/p>\n

Overall, this trend reflects a changing attitude toward weddings — that they are not sacred celebrations bringing two families together, but photo-ops with spectacular backdrops.<\/p>\n

Yes, your gift is your presence. It would have been kindest for the couple to state this.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cAngry Mom\u201d was upset because her coddled son wasn\u2019t invited along with his friends on a European vacation.<\/p>\n

You went right along with her, and I\u2019m disappointed. In both of you.<\/p>\n

— Disappointed<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Disappointed:<\/strong> It\u2019s natural to feel pain when your children are hurting. If her son wants help through his disappointment, she should offer a mature perspective.<\/p>\n

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy: What is the right way to put a friendship on pause? I have known \u201cLara\u201d for many years. 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