{"id":117830,"date":"2023-08-25T20:51:21","date_gmt":"2023-08-25T20:51:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cottontailsonline.com\/?p=117830"},"modified":"2023-08-25T20:51:21","modified_gmt":"2023-08-25T20:51:21","slug":"my-daughters-ex-mother-in-law-wont-stop-calling-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cottontailsonline.com\/beauty-balance\/my-daughters-ex-mother-in-law-wont-stop-calling-help\/","title":{"rendered":"My Daughter\u2019s Ex-Mother-in-Law Won\u2019t Stop Calling. Help!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Our daughter was married for 15 years, until her husband left her for another woman five years ago. She receives a monthly, court-ordered payment from him. He does not see their daughter, now 14, or show any interest in her. (Our daughter brought her to a child psychologist to help process this rejection.) When their rent was increased recently, we invited them to live with us so our daughter could save for a home of her own. The problem: Her ex\u2019s mother calls our house daily, demanding to speak to our granddaughter. We think she is inconsiderate and doesn\u2019t care about our granddaughter\u2019s needs. Our granddaughter takes the calls about once a week and meets with her occasionally. Tired of these calls, I finally blocked them on our home phone. Now, she calls our daughter relentlessly. What should we do?<\/em><\/p>\n

MOTHER<\/p>\n

I suspect that, from your perspective, the optimal outcome here may be for your daughter\u2019s ex-mother-in-law to simply disappear \u2014 as her son did. But that may not be in your granddaughter\u2019s best interest, which I know you care about. I am not suggesting that you or your daughter put up with phone harassment. But let\u2019s acknowledge that this other grandmother has a valid interest in her grandchild. The solution is not to block her calls, but for your daughter to set and enforce healthy limits on them.<\/p>\n

Now, I don\u2019t know why this woman is calling so relentlessly. My suspicion, though, is that she\u2019s ashamed of her son\u2019s abandonment of his child, so she\u2019s compensating by calling way too much. Still, if your daughter can harness this behavior, it may be healthy for your granddaughter to be in touch with someone from her father\u2019s family.<\/p>\n

The great news here is that your granddaughter already has a relationship with a therapist. If I were you, I would encourage your daughter to lean into it. A therapist can help her establish what your granddaughter wants, what\u2019s healthiest for both of them and how to communicate this to her former mother-in-law. I know you\u2019re frustrated, but try to keep your eyes on the long-term prize.<\/p>\n

Vulnerability Deserves a Response<\/h2>\n

A previously close friend and I go to school together. Many of our friend groups overlap. She texted me to say that she misses me and wants to hang out. But I\u2019m not comfortable spending time with her: Our relationship has become filled with conflict. I would rather let it fade and become friendly acquaintances with her. Should I tell her this or avoid the conversation?<\/em><\/p>\n

FRIEND<\/p>\n

Never ignore a friend who makes herself vulnerable to you or who asks for something directly. Your friend has done both: I miss you, and I want to see you. It would be unkind to leave her hanging. Better to reply truthfully: \u201cWe\u2019ve had so much conflict lately. I\u2019d rather take a beat and see you around. OK?\u201d If she presses you to engage further \u2014 and some friends will \u2014 you can hash it out or let it go (after you have staked out your position clearly).<\/p>\n

Helping With Medical Costs, or Paying for Information?<\/h2>\n

I am in my 70s, and I\u2019ve done well for myself financially. My younger sister hasn\u2019t. Her son was hospitalized for four weeks with an infected jaw that I believe arose from drug abuse. I know he doesn\u2019t have health insurance, so I fear that medical bills are looming over them. But neither of them has said anything to me about his health or drug use. I would like to help financially, but part of helping is knowing what happened and what is going on now. Suggestions?<\/em><\/p>\n

SISTER<\/p>\n

Gifts don\u2019t have strings \u2014 or entitle givers to private information. It doesn\u2019t sound as if your sister has asked you for anything. If you want to offer her money on the condition that she tell you about her son, do so. But frankly, that seems more like payment for satisfying your curiosity than a gift. (And if he\u2019s still using, does that revoke your offer?) I suggest extending emotional support to your sister \u2014 without the 20 questions \u2014 instead.<\/p>\n

Staking a Claim in the Sand<\/h2>\n

My wife and I were on a beach vacation. We set up our chairs in a row with other families at the high-tide mark in the sand. Later, a couple of women came and set up their things directly in front of us. I asked if they would mind moving 15 feet down the beach, where there was an opening between groups and where they wouldn\u2019t block anyone\u2019s view. I even offered to help them. They refused. They said this was \u201ctheir beach,\u201d where they came every day, and they called me a hippie as I walked away. Was I wrong to ask?<\/em><\/p>\n

VACATIONER<\/p>\n

You had every right to ask, and with an opening so nearby, it seems odd they didn\u2019t agree. (I would have.) Having asked, though, I hope you didn\u2019t make a fuss. You and your wife could also have moved 15 feet down the beach. I know you were there first, but beach protocols are about soft norms, not hard-and-fast rules. As for looking like a hippie, congratulations! (I am picturing a dreamy Peter Fonda in \u201cEasy Rider.\u201d)<\/p>\n

For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on the platform X.<\/p>\n

Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Our daughter was married for 15 years, until her husband left her for another woman five years ago. She receives a monthly, court-ordered payment from him. He does not see<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nMy Daughter\u2019s Ex-Mother-in-Law Won\u2019t Stop Calling. Help! - cottontailsonline.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cottontailsonline.com\/beauty-balance\/my-daughters-ex-mother-in-law-wont-stop-calling-help\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Daughter\u2019s Ex-Mother-in-Law Won\u2019t Stop Calling. 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