TONI Ep101 | Confessions Of Former Gambling Addicts: How They Lost 50M, Sold 13 Cars & Went To Jail

Please welcome, Sir Reagan Praferosa! Yes. Sir Reagan! Hello, Kuya Reagan, welcome. Actually, gambling is a form of addiction that. is not often discussed, right? Yes. Especially now, entertainment is closely connected to gambling. Nowadays, everything is easier because everything is online. Yes, it's all on the phone now. So, it was just an accident, right?. Your inclination toward gambling? Yes, yes. Because, you know, it's a trip. It's like an incentive for us, like a trip to Vegas... From the company? Yes. And then, of course, as a Filipino, I saw a fellow Filipino working inside the casino as a dealer I won 18,000 dollars from my 1-dollar bet. They call it "beginner's luck." Beginner's luck. That's what I experienced. I really had no idea. I was just surprised when the sound of the jackpot suddenly went off. When I got home, the value of money had changed. Of course, because I already had some with me. And then, I tried the casino here. Luckily, I won for a year. Ah, how much did you win in the casino back then? I won millions. Millions?! Yes. Really? Yes, that’s why… You must be really addicted because you won millions... I can buy whatever I want. During that time? During that time. Ah, it seems like your gambling luck was good during that time. Gambling during that time. You’ll really became even more addicted. So after that, well, it's not always winning. What was the biggest loss you experienced? Maybe around 4. Million? Yes. Wow, that's a lot of money you gambled. 4 million. Well, I didn't realize it at that time, but I eventually realized that gambling is a game driven by emotions. I don't even know why I started playing; I'm so hooked. So, it turns out I'm just chasing the emotion… The adrenaline rush. jail, institution, and death. I've been to jail. Ah, but while you were gambling, did no one warn you? It's already harming you because it's affecting what you do with your life. How did it affect your married life? In your family life? My wife really suffered. Because gambling was my number one priority, I had no time for her. I would completely forget about all my responsibilities once I was blinded by the addiction. What did your wife say? They would believe you because they are, co-dependent and they love you. But for us, there's nothing, no feelings. We didn't even have remorse. I had many instances, major falls in the casino that were really painful for my wife to witness. I had many instances, major falls in the casino that were really painful for my wife to witness. Like when she was in labor with our eldest child, I wasn't there. I escaped and went to the casino because my intention was to get more money. Did you actually win? So, It was like that. But... Because it was labor and you have a child. Yeah. It's painful for me to realize it. now that I'm in recovery. But what was she like during that time? To recover what you lost… Did you apologize to her? It's just putting up a façade of apology. That's how it is for everyone, every gambling addict is like that. You didn’t ask her for forgiveness. I'm good at talking, good at... well, manipulating. But deep inside, all that was in my mind was that. I needed to recover what I lost. Oh, you're going back again. Yes, yes. How did you go back to gambling again?, Where did you get the money? There are financial institutions inside the casino. You borrowed money? I can just say that I closed the book at 50M. It was that bad. 13 cars?! Yes, like that. Is that why you ended up in jail? It was pure desperation. How did you end up in jail? It turns out that the person we pawned. the car to was also a police officer. What did your family say about your gambling? Actually, they intervened multiple times. They never stopped trying to help. But I just couldn't grasp the point, you know? I thought I was getting away with it., I became so wicked. I must have been the prodigal son who kept coming back 13 times. It was like that. Your wife is really kind. Her patience and love for you are remarkable because she never gave up. Yeah, she didn't know me as a gambler. We were together for a long time as girlfriend and boyfriend. She knew me as a decent person. After I got out of jail, they took me to a.

psychiatric ward for treatment. Oh! A psych ward? Well, no decent addict would willingly seek, rehabilitation for themselves. Right? I didn't know. I thought it was just a check-up. What did they do to you in the psych ward? A lot of test. Well, I'm just a gambler after all. Yes, you would think it's for addicts, alcoholics and such. Nothing. I just played around with the patients there. Because I knew I didn't have any problems. I just lost, right? I didn't think I had any psychological problem. But it turns out I was worse. It revealed to you the behaviors that you didn't realize were already a part of you. What else came out when you realized it? Narcissistic. I learned that every trauma, even from childhood, when it finds a suitable gateway like addiction, that's where all the emotions pour out. So, you had unhealed pain from your childhood? That's where I discovered it. I realized that I had issues with shame and authority figures. That's when I realized, "Ah, that's me." But I didn't realize that I was also mirroring back what I disliked. You became that. Because I became narcissistic too. I was not aware. So, after you spent one year in the facility, how is your relationship with your wife now? How is your family life? How are you as a husband and a father? Of course, it's tough love for now. Because they also. have their own program. Your family? Yes, because while I was recovering in the facility, they were also undergoing therapy. Ah, because they had their own trauma from you. That's why when I came out, I needed to fix things. I can't go back to my old ways because I was manipulative. Everyone needs to recover. Everyone needs to adjust. Everyone needs to adapt. and may be going through the same gambling, addiction that you went through, what would you like to say to them? Because you've been through it. There's help available. There are fellowships now that provide therapy, face-to-face sessions, and even through Zoom. So, you just need to search for a specific support group here in the Philippines. That will work for you. I really discovered my illness. I fully admitted that I was completely, unmanageable when it came to gambling. One is too many, and a thousand is never enough for me. That's why I need to take care of my first bet only. That's the only one I would remember. So gambling addiction is a lifelong recovery. Yeah Do you always feel the urge? Do you just fight against it? I see, so what did you replace it with? Outdoor therapies, things like that. So whatever it is,, now I attend meetings, hear the newcomers. Because when you attend meetings like that, I can hear myself speaking as a new comer. What I learned from you is the admission, the first thing you need to accept within yourself is, "Yes, I am this person." Because until you accept within yourself. that you are that kind of person, you won't heal, you won't change, and you won't move forward in life. So it's not healthy and beneficial, for our society. Yes. That’s why we are grateful for your story, brother Reagan. Our next guest tonight is a youth leader Our next guest tonight is a youth leader who was secretly a gambling addict before. Let's hear the story of hope and transformation from Brother Velden Lim. Hi, Velden! Hello, Toni! You were a member of a youth group, right? I started out as a young, technically "good boy" , because I was a church boy early on in my life. Even as a child, my family and I were part of the church choir, along with my brothers and sisters. Later on, I became an active member of a parish youth group in our church. And then, I became a leader in that group. So when I became the youth leader of that group, at that time, I also started working. That's when I developed an addiction to gambling. And you're right, because when you're with the Lord, your conscience starts to eat at you. However, when you're addicted to gambling, you try to... In fact, I was trying to bargain with the Lord. "Lord, I'll stop this if You let me win again.", Something like that. So you were praying while gambling. Oh my gosh. It was a foolish prayer. It was just one day, my friends outside church, my childhood friends, invited me to go to the casino. And so, being a church boy, I was like, “Isn't that bad?” But they said, "It's just for fun, it's okay." I joined them, and lo and behold, my 500 pesos turned into 20,000 pesos in just less than 30 minutes. So for me, being new to work at that time, I thought,. "Hey, this is great." It felt like beginner's luck. And to be fair to my friends, they weren't really addicts. They were the ones who… They even warned me. "Hey, don't come back here alone, you might get addicted. Don't come here without us, you might lose control." But you went back. That was my mistake. Did you go back alone? I went back alone because I thought, "Let me try it alone, even just a little bit, just for gas money." Like that, until the dosage increased, and I no longer went with them. You lost self control, right? It was completely gone. Yes. And I reached a point where, of course,. my funds were limited, so... Yes, you were only 20, and you were just starting to work. Correct. Then what I would do is pawn my cellphone, and then after that, I would pawn my laptop, and so on. And then it reached a point where everything was depleted. I withdrew all my investments in mutual funds, all my savings, and used them for gambling. Did your family know about it or not? My parents didn't know. All this time, they thought I was just going out at night for leisure. Gamblers mentality as atleast for me, there's always this feeling that there's a chance to recover. But I couldn't recover because my funds were insufficient. So during that time, I was working in our family business., My dad is an engineer, my mom takes care of the finances of the business, and I was the COO - Child of the Owner. I was in charge of the operations, and the money, of course, when you're in a company business,.

it's for paying salaries, purchasing materials, and it was under my control. How much was it? It was around 200,000 pesos. In fact, that was around 5 am in the morning, and I can remember this vividly, I was down to my last 500 peso chip. And when I placed that 500 pesos bet, it was like I was out of my mind because I was praying to the Lord. I said, "Lord, this is no longer my money,, it's my parents' money, please let me win." That's how desperate I was, can you imagine? in the midst of your sin, you’re praying for your sin to be blessed. But I was so desperate. So I placed the bet,. and when the cards turned, I lost. Then, you know, I cried in front of the table,, in front of the dealer. But while I was driving on my way home, I was already thinking, first of all, how am I going to tell my parents about this? They didn't know that I was gambling. And then, at 6 am, my mom entered the room and saw me crying. And of course, just like a normal mom, she asked, "Oh why are you crying?" like that. Then, I hugged my mom, for the first time in a long while. And I just kept saying sorry, "Sorry, sorry, mommy." And she asked, "Why, what happened?" like that. So I told her, "Mommy, I got addicted to gambling,. and you didn't know. And today is the worst day because the money you. entrusted to me, it's gone, I lost it all." So I was expecting my mom to scold me. But instead, I received the opposite. She hugged me tightly and said something I will never forget. She said, "Child, it's okay about the money..." she said, "We can earn it again with your dad. It's easy to earn money. But what's important is you..." Then she said, "That's not how I know you. You're a good child, you’re a good boy, you're a good leader." And she just hugged me. Then I kept crying, and she cried with me. And I believe that was the turning point... it put a stop to it. It felt like I woke up from a daze. It felt like I was embraced by the Lord. Mother's love. you weren't scolded. Instead of expecting to be rejected,, shouted at, or criticized, you were loved even more. That's what surprised me. Maybe... it was just a spirit-filled, you can call it... "Here, my child, buy materials and pay the staff." So it was as if the love was restored, and the trust, was restored as well. It was like telling me, "Okay, you can rise again." And for me, that turned around my whole life. That's why earlier when I was listening to your. interview with Reagan, actually, I didn't know how it happened, how I changed, and how I stopped gambling. It's just that I believed, it's because of the unconditional love that I have received. The kind of love that shows that the Lord is real, that God's forgiveness and unconditional love are always available.,