Bodega Bathroom - SNL

>> AND DO YOU HAVE A BOTTLE OF, WATER? >> SURE. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? SO HOT, OR SOLID BLOCK OF ICE?, >> ACTUALLY I'M GOOD. >> WISE CHOICE. >> HEY MAN, DO YOU HAVE A BATHROOM? >> A WHAT?. >> LIKE A BATHROOM. LIKE A BATHROOM I CAN USE. >> DUDE, DID YOU JUST ASK TO USE A BATHROOM IN A BODEGA?. >> WHAT? WHO CARES, IT'S AN EMERGENCY., >> OH MY GOD. THAT IS EVEN WORSE.. YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN A BODEGA BATHROOM MAN.. >> WOULD YOU LIKE THE BATHROOM KEY OR NOT?. >> CHARLIE, IF YOU DO THIS I DON'T THINK WE CAN BE FRIENDS, ANYMORE MAN. >> RELAX DUDE, IT'S JUST A. BATHROOM. I'M SURE IT'S FINE., >> AND SO IT SHALL BE. OH BODEGA CAT, SHOW THIS MAN TO THE BATHROOM. >> MAKE A WISH. HOLD YOUR BREATH. ♪ COME WITH ME AND YOU'LL BE IN A WORLD OF ZERO SANITATION ♪ ♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES AND AVOID INHALATION ♪ ♪ IF YOU WANT A NEW PARASITE THEN WE LOOK AROUND AND VIEW THEM ♪, ♪ ALL THE STICKY STUFF IS FLUIDS, WANT TO KNOW FOR SURE PUT A BLACK LIGHT TO IT ♪. >> OH MY GOD. >> THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON TO USE THIS BATHROOM THAT'S NOT A DOG. GIVING BIRTH. >> MAN, WHAT KIND OF CREEP WOULD, LET A BATHROOM GET LIKE THIS? >> I DID.. ♪ WHO CAN SELL YOU CONDOMS AND ARIZONA ICE TEA LOOSIE CIGARETTES AND PLANTAIN CHIPS ♪. ♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN OH THE BODEGA MAN CAN ♪.

♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN CAUSE HE MIXES LOTS OF PILLS, AND CALLS THEM TIGER SEX PILLS ♪ ♪ WHO CAN MAKE A RAINBOW. WITH CANS OF BOILED MEAT THE OREOS ARE RUSSIAN AND. THE ATM'S IS CHINESE ♪ ♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN. OH THE BODEGA MAN CAN ♪ >> ENOUGH!, THE CHILD IS MINE! HE TOOK THE KEY, AND NOW HE MUST PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE. >> I'M SORRY MY SON.. I CANNOT PROTECT YOU ANY LONGER. >> COME ON. FEED ME, SEYMOUR. FEED ME! >> STOP! >> BODEGA VIRGIN MARY CANDLES?. >> THAT'S RIGHT. IF NO ONE ELSE WILL PROTECT THE BOY, I WILL. AND I HOPE THAT SOME DAY WE CAN ERASE -- ♪ THE MEMORIES OF THIS HORRIBLE DAY WHEN HE NEEDED A TOILET IN A, MOMENT OF SHAME ♪ ♪ IF YOU TOUCH ME YOU'LL, UNDERSTAND WHAT UNHAPPINESS IS ♪, ♪ YOUR WORST DAY HAS BEGUN ♪. ♪♪♪ >> WOW., THAT WAS BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND DISGUSTING.. I THINK I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON. >> NOT YET YOU HAVEN'T. ♪ OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DOO. WE'VE GOT A TROUBLING BATHROOM FOR YOU ♪. ♪ OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DEE. WE GOT AN F FROM THE C-D-C ♪, ♪ WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU SIT, ON THAT SEAT ♪ ♪ SWINE HPV AND A WAVE OF HEAT. ♪ WHERE ARE YOU GETTING DESPERATE LIKE THAT ♪, ♪ THE THING IS A SWIMMING POOL, FOR RATS ♪ ♪ I DON'T LIKE THE,

LOOK OF ♪ >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.. WAIT, WAIT. YOU GOT OOMPA LOOMPAS IN YOUR, BODEGA. >> NO, THOSE ARE JUST SOUR PATCH KIDS THAT HAVE BEEN IN THE STORE SO LONG, THEY CAME TO LIFE.. >> LISTEN, HERE'S YOUR KEY BACK MISTER. I DECIDED NOT TO USE YOUR BATHROOM AFTER ALL.. >> NO CHARLIE, DON'T YOU SEE? IT'S YOURS NOW, THE BATHROOM, THE BODEGA. I'M LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU.. YOU PASSED THE TEST. >> WHAT WILL I DO WITH IT?, IT'S A BODEGA CHARLIE. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. BECAUSE THERE'S -- ♪♪♪. ♪ 525 THOUSAND 6 HUNDRED ITEMS 525 THOUSAND. BUGS BELOW THE SINK ♪ ♪ 525 THOUSAND. FLAVORS OF RAMEN HOW CAN WE SELL YOU, ONE LOOSE BEER ♪ ♪ THERE'S SAMPLES. AND HOT SAUCE AND THE WORST EVER CUP. OF COFFEE ♪ ♪ AND TAMPONS, SO HIGH UP ♪ ♪ THERE'S A GUY WHO DOESN'T WORK HERE JUST SITTING AND WATCHING SOCCER ♪ ♪ AND CHARGERS. BUT THEY'RE ONLY FOR AN IPHONE THREE ♪. ♪ AND WHAT ABOUT LOVE THAT SO CALLED. LOVE JUST UNWRAP ONE BODEGA LOVE ♪, ♪ WHAT ABOUT LOVE THEY PROBABLY, DON'T BRUSH ♪ >> ALL RIGHT, I'VE DECIDED TO, DROPOUT OF NYU AND RUN THIS BODEGA FULL TIME! >> YEAH! ♪ BODEGA LOVE, BODEGA OF LOVE ♪ ♪♪♪